Iron Rod

Iron Rod

You have known me since before the

Womb

Dictating what my momma should do

I knew that when I came I was

meant to break you. Reshape.

First, I had to know you.

Your terrain. Your make up. Your law.

Your essence.

Because you’re made of gold

like everything else.

The only thing is you’ve forgotten-hard

that you’re made of gold-

like most everyone else.

Not me- nah

You wrapped me up hard

like a candy wrapper refusing

to be disposed.

Enabled me from enjoying Life.

Stripped me of the capacity to

Enjoy, injoy Love.

Dulled the pain. Amplified Pain.

Until I took notice of something.

You’re dull, you’re bitter. You’re tired. Muddied. Muddled.

Taking the form of iron. In our minds.

…

Shape-shifting, weaving whisps of could-be desires,

Hard-won ‘truths,’

fears focused on what if, have not, can’t, don’t, won’t.

You’re a shell of a wind

Formless, yet with some magick you’ve come across

And the nature of Our road,

You’ve been able to take form, shape, and dominate Us.

No, we’ve allowed you to dominate us.

In this way,

See, I’ve been getting to know you, Iron one.

Yes, first from afar, through my parents, see?

My family, the Church, peers, hierarchies, human history.

You never could get a handle on nature, no sir- that’s Her domain

…

You’ve been longing for some rest, reprieve, access from

this relentless you’ve got going on.

And it’s okay- no one is going to whip You. Attack You. Pull the rug from underneath You. Blind You. Slay You. Pierce You. Judge You. Alienate You. Eviscerate You.

You’ve done that all on your own, baby boy.

…

You weren’t always the way you were…

Or you also exist in another form, yet you’ve, we’ve, allowed toxic rust

To run our rivers, our lanes, our veins. In our matrices!

Yet, we have antidotes! Cures! Medicines to restore You in You.

You in Us.

…

Because, Iron Rod, you are Holy.

You in Us

Yes, You-

See, You are of the divine too-

Divine Masculine, yes

and somehow, some way, some part of a You has become twisted

Meaning You can get untwisted

Let your love of hearth, love warrior, light keeper

Seep out

Let it soothe you, great one

If you can’t at first, take one step toward Her. Just one.

She will overcome You. Overwhelm You.

Swell deep inside Your very being and make Herself known to your every crevice, indentation and ghosts.

You’ll be lost for but a moment for she doesn’t want to kill you. Waste you. Become you.

She wants You to Be.

…

Make your way back home, with dignity, no shame.

For look what you’ve done! All that you’ve contributed to the growth of the world! The universe! Our consciousness!

You are driving Us out of the darkness into the Light!-Hard!

…

Yes, the chains you’ve formed and wrought have taken a life of their own now,

and they’re difficult to shake off, unlock, disintegrate.

They are also weak. They are also iron-

We are neither.

Dancing flame in Bovina, NY, MCKS Retreat Center

Ode to Life: Part IV-Remembering to Re-Member

You beheld me always in your stream. ‘I’ always knew that. Though I didn’t always allow myself to heal, to swim, to freely dwell and expel.

I was comfortable in my discomfort. Then I dwelled more and more. Longer and longer. I learned. I opened. Became braver as I witnessed you holding me.

I blossomed. I saw and I allowed myself to know,

to appreciate my knowing. I know, knew, am, was.

I am the teacher, the master, the student, the mother, the father, the faithful, the unfaithful.

I am all. I am bold. Capable. Deep. Resounding.

Evanescent.

I am star dust, the fire.

the embers and ash,

the phoenix, the raven, the sky.

I am the moon, the sun, the dance.

I am the moved, the yearning, the anger.

I am bliss, peace, choice.

I am you. I see in my-self, you.

I can feel my spirit, my soul of souls remember itself.

Oh how it feels good to feel. Really feel, as though for the very first time.

To dance and swim, to jump and joyously devour your endless beauty.

I hold You. I hold.

You.

I hold You sacred.

I hold You in my very self because You are my-self.

I see that now. There is room to behold now. You.

There is aware-capacity to hold hold You. Sacredness. I recognize You.

I can laugh with You now, my friend.

Sacred source that fills me and replenishes my very essence with Spirit-Gold.

I hear Your whisper. I feel Your giddiness. Your aspiration. Your hope.

Simply-known. What I hold sacred is You.

 

Ode to Life: Part III-Transition

What I hold sacred, holds me. Grips me, even. At times shocks me into myself, my body, my purpose.

It is my Love, my power that comes forth from this Love. And this power dwells in me. Holds me. Me.

It shifts when I shift. Let’s me jump before catching my hand. Sees me with yellow eyes as I land on my knees. Envelopes me, bathes me in it’s honey until I glisten in its wake.

Reformed. Transformed.

Choice- I hold sacred. Our capacity to choose to grow.

Desire- our desire. For the better. I hold sacred. The laws of the Universe. As above, so below-as within, seen, without.

Ode to Life: Part II-Re-membering

What I hold sacred is the fact, the knowledge, the essence that is and feeds me. Holds me.

Knows me.

Created me.

Loves me.

Dwells in me.

Is me.

Holds my wounds, my ghosts, dark tunnels- constantly bathes me in its eternally blessed, boundless waters.

Is helping me re-member my-self. All of my-self.

‘Come to me’ it says. ‘Hold your own pain,’ it says.

‘Face it. Dwell in it until it becomes good home!,’ it exclaims.

‘Feel your pain. Face the parts of you you don’t like much. And feel your desire change. Remove your mask, Tall one, and become that which you are. Me. Beingness. Love. Do this, and you shall thrive.’

Thrive- you asked of me. Thrive I demanded of my-self.

…

My sacred self weaves through time, and space, toppling age-old, bone deep, cell-paralyzing paradigms, dynamics and storehouses.

I am whole. Eternal. Beingness being here in the Now.

I am, that is, what I hold sacred. Exploring that who-that which I am through my ever-evolving, shape-shifting, life-giving, star-creating story. This is sacred to me.

…

I hold sacred, I remember all of the stories of my ancestors- their flight, their plight and never ending search for Home on earth. Their fleeing from their past, their present, letting go of their future for preservation of their sacred children’s.

I hold sacred their cries. Their tears. Their anger. Their focus. Their confusion.

And peace. Thoughts. Revelations. Their connection to the earth. This lives. Breathes in the fiber of my Being. As I hold them, I feel myself re-member. And then I remember. Breathe. Dwell. Shed. This is my process.

Their tongues spewing whistles of prayer, magic, Spark! To be in their majestic presence again…

I am their presence. Continued. Poured forth, etched from a deep gourd made of the earth, sky, ocean, ethers and blood. Made to do more than survive but thrive.

They are in my womb- gnawing, wrenching when I walk off my sacred, perfect path. They are my womb. And they hold me, keep me- grounded. Sane. Always at Home.

America, we are being called

I am likening the 2016 US presidential result to a much needed detox that America finally has to experience. We have tried to hide, negate, mask and gloss over the shadows we created, and evidently continued to grip the minds of many Americans. And so it is time to face these shadows head on. How they all happen to literally be embodied by and expressed through one man, I don’t know, but we are being called to BRAVELY and DEEPLY look at who we REALLY are- all sides, and work to heal our nation and purge from it the shadows we see represented by Trump and his supporters.

We all need to see where we fit in this present and future America. Our America. This is us people. This is real. Whatever feelings you have about the state of our union and world, we need to take ACCOUNTABILITY everywhere we can and stand for and express what we believe. Now. We need to acknowledge the Truth- the current state of the people of our nation, and bravely allow our feelings and thoughts to rise and be known along with our aspirations.

This is barely different from when we individually have to face our shadows and past- we are being CALLED to face our collective shadows together. We are being forced to swallow this almost unbearable pill. It is time. And we are the people to go through this. Just like we have the capacity to individually change, we have the ability and possibility to collectively transform.

Many of us know of the beauty, justice and peace that reside in the depths of the human spirit. Our ability to rise, defy and evolve. We are remarkable beings. Those of us that know this or want to, please keep standing, believing and weaving peace, bridges, positiveness and hope mingled with Truth into our present reality. Doing this is more powerful than you know. It is necessary. Keep being marvelous You.

Let us be the people that fight for what is truly just without pretense or fear. Let us be the people that embody, show and manifest what acceptance and love really look like in ALL its forms. Let us be bold and face and contribute to the transformation of these shadows. Let us show up for ourselves, our dreams and future. We are going to make it through the amounting bull we’ve been sitting on and breathing in for too long. Here’s to a successful cleanse. We got this.

Ode to Life:Part I-Bursting

Light

Dark

Light

Dark. I remember the vision you showed me. The line of planets before me. Ready to be touched.

To be plucked. Discovered. One by one, their mysteries.

‘You already know them,’ you whispered.

‘You’re here to remember’ you told me.

You never withheld from me all of your majesty. Your sacredness. Your magic.

Rather, you surrounded me. Held me. Comforted me. Streams of grace penetrated my face, my eyes, my Soul, and sprang forth from my nails!

Time kept coming. Kept coming. And you kept swirling, enveloping me, entrancing me.

Holding me.

Though I did not always hold You, because I did not yet understand.

I did not know.

I had not yet allowed myself to openly receive You.

I was still re-membering My-Self.

My Soul disconnected from the ever-shifting present

from my body

my purpose

my power

my essence

from your stream. Your sacred, sacred stream of Love. Of healing.

Ode to Life: Prelude

What I hold sacred, holds me.

Before there was time, there was I. A thought. A whisper.

A promise.

A becoming.

In my mother’s womb, I bathed in her endless flora, but I was nourished by your essence.

I came forth and penetrated the space, the time with the point of my divine crown. That which is my direct link to you. All that is.

You bade me come forth. To create. To be. To explore being-ness.

To co-create. To further weave my story into yours-elongating, strengthening our thread.

Your voice echoed in my then-infant veins, bouncing with Life Force.

Energy that is like no other.

A journey yet seen, yet created, but dreamed from a time ago.

‘Be brave,’ you pulsed through my veins.

‘Be brave, chart your course!,’ you churned in my belly.

‘Have courage,’ you sang into my heart.

‘Feel what you feel! Dance with me, joyously, fluidly, deeply, freely,’ you chanted in my dreams…

 

Beingirl

I first realized that I was not a boy by all the things I couldn’t do. Not because I literally couldn’t, but because I was not allowed to do so by societal dictates & all those around me, including women, who enforced them. With time I came along knowledge that would set me along the path to self discovery. I am not inherently defined by society’s ideas of me or what it says I can, cannot, should or should not do. I came to be in such a society, a world where cannot is synonymous with girl, where silence is to woman. This is a mind frame I was not born with. I no doubt have experienced conditioning that encompasses gender roles, race & my place in the world for example. I am working to break those down & see them for what they are- temporary, out-dated thick molasses veils created from fear, ignorance, darkness to keep me from flying. ‘Thing I’m realizing- I was always free to begin with. [Photograph: Ryan McGinley, Firecracker Girl]

To Freedom

A few thoughts came to me. Gripped me even…We were born free. What I mean by born free is, conceived by Spirit, free. From the very beginning of each of our souls. I believe this. I believe IN this. We were born untethered. Undefined. Limitless. Good. of Love. For Love. Then we encountered. earth. We began to see limitations, and became them. We began to make tangible imprints in the world’s memory, universal memory, our own.. We became our lessons, our pain and in time projected without within.

We were once free. We are in this Life to encounter and learn from our unique lessons in Love to get back to The Place. of Clarity. of Peace. of deep, resounding, reverberating, replenishing, constant, Love.

Each lesson we learn and understand, each Soul we love, every time we challenge our selves for the better- every time we face our demons. those dragons, and shed upon them our inner knowing and light.

Each time we take

2 steps forward from those

5 steps seemingly backward.

Every time we engage with Truth and embody it. Each time we listen and allow ourselves to g  r  o  w.

Each time we dance like the wind. Each time we become more and more fluid like the seasons…

Each time we engage with our Spark!

Each time we allow our selves to be the flint to Source’s inspiration-

Every time we take the time to acknowledge the universe-impregnated-stardust that lie in our very bones.

Every time we acknowledge we are limitless. That we are a living, iterative process…We regain a piece of our magic. Our spark. We return a step closer to our true selves. To being Free.

Out of Chaos, Something New

Not too long ago I was experiencing the world, its essence in a negative way. The majority of what I was hearing and seeing was negative, harsh to my senses and rose-colored optimistic ideals. I watched the news and it was as if it existed only to debilitate me. People dying here due to police brutality. People being mistreated and taken advantage of there. Capsizing boats filled with refugees. War. Evisceration of the environment. Neglect. Misappropriation. Abuse. Hatred. Corruption. Unfairness. Cruelty. Fear. Ignorance. Shame. Negative aspects of humanity’s past repeated over and over again, just in different garbs.

I lost hope in humanity. And consequently and with burgeoning awareness, I had lost hope in myself. I was slowly becoming a casing of dimming ideas, dreams, memories and passion.

Then Clarity, Grace seeped in. It took good time, patience, and a bit of Work, and I think I always knew this deep down- that I am the World. Let me clarify- I believe my Soul in many respects reflects the Soul of the World and is a part of it, and the Soul or essence of the World is part of All.

That being said, it would logically follow that as an individual Soul, I go through ups and downs, monumental crises that give rise to a more evolved, powerful, and stronger individual Soul. Always this is true. Why then should this not be the same for the Soul of the World? or other people in general? What is happening in our world is a reflection of what is happening to each person, and the collective.

This aha! moment came, it felt true, and my hope and love for the World re-blossomed and firmly rooted itself once again in my womb. I am no longer afraid for the fate of this world or fellow-man. All of this chaos, this is good. All of this upheaval of systems, questioning, emergence-ejection-rejection-reevaluation of ideas, this is good. Do I like all the forms this chaotic energy takes form? No. But I realize now these are times of growing pains of the collective human Soul. We are stretching, aiming, searching, yearning for something more, deeper, true.

We are on a continuous quest of testing, setting, understanding, then redefining our new realizations. I am, and not naively, excited about my Life, yours, and humanity’s. We are a part of amazing and scary times, but part of it we are, and every thought, action, decision, every ounce of energy is part of creating something. Hopefully with time, something overwhelmingly enlightening, fantastic, beautiful and good. And soon I believe we will come to realize there are no limits because we are LIMITLESS. Then we will come to act like it. Imagine what a World that would be…or is.